2008-11-24 Best Man Speech - Ryan's Wedding

2009-02-05T13:45:00.001Z

Lets just for a moment, turn back the page
To a time when mullets were all the rage
Striped socks to the knees were the latest fad
And Abba and Blondie owned centre stage

Pac Man was king and slinkies were rad
Something was awesome if one called it bad
R-C Cola and pop rocks hit the spot
And Cabbage Patch Kids were the latest fad

Eighty-one was a year with many a plot
Both Pope John Paul and Regan were shot!
The world economy was slowly dying
Iran went postal and the cold war ran hot.

But none of that kept my parents from tryin'
To fill our house with diapers and cryin'
And in the November that very year
Mankind was blessed with my brother Ryan.

****

And then he entered his formative years
Filled with teasing, fighting and senseless tears
But for all that was thrown, and all that was said
It seems I was the one who paid in arrears

It happened one day at the Fabry homestead
He slammed a hose nozzle into my head
He then started crying - he thought I was slain
The blood went all over - he thought I was dead!

I'd be lying to say that I felt much pain
Despite the rapidly growing stain
But the effects would linger for many a moon
As now I'm five-six and three-quarters insane

I'll always remember that lustrous June
Though those days of youth ended way too soon
Just like Knight Rider and the A-Team platoon...
Punky Brewster, MacGyver and that Rambo cartoon

****

As Ryan grew older, I started to see
A person develop in front of me

Soon after my clonking - but not much later
He'd morphed into the terminator

He stripped down for parts my Tonka toy truck
My teddy bear fuzzy ran out of luck

On went he then to plunder and pillage
Many a hapless Lincoln log village!

****

Such are the habits of a four year old
But soon those habits began to run cold

Wealth accumulation was Ryan's next phase
I like to think those were my darkest days

Instead of slicing and ripping my things
He chose just to take them under his wings

We thought it quite cute, despite my feeling
That all this amounted to downright stealing

****

Yet once he saw wealth has many facets
He turned his focus to liquid assets

He wanted cash - he wanted to get paid
Selling people watered down lemonade

He'd flag down drivers and beg them to stop
Guilt avoidance was the whole value prop

He pulled a nice tip, every now and again...
The garbage man often, gave him a ten!

****

Before not so long, the time would arrive
For Ryan to join troop 125

I never quite saw the appeal of the scouts
Their dogma and credos or Indian shouts

But Ryan, not I, was the lucky one
This was a group that knew how to have fun

You wouldn't find arts and crafts in this crew
There was simply too much "scouting" to do

They stayed well clear of swamps and leeches
Opting for thong fish and tropical beaches!

They rode the new river, traversing its locks
They even had Doctor Franks and his rocks!

Poaching an idea from a homeless drifter
They built the first left-handed smoke shifter!

And despite having more fun than is legal
Ryan managed to reach the rank of Eagle

****

He then finished high school and packed his bags
To join the illustrious Fairfield Stags.

He saw them with football, and saw them without
No one really knows what that was about.

He went for four years and earned his degree
And began his new career in IT

In fact he became an IMLP
A leadership program run by GE

No sooner had Ryan begun to earn
That spending his money, became the concern

He wanted a house - and wanted it now
He wanted it badly - he didn't care how!

And thus began our "era of gelling"
Purchasing for us, a single dwelling.

****

We cleaned up the house; we made it look nice
We killed all the squirrels; we killed all the mice

We scoured the place from top to bottom
And painted the bedrooms not once, but twice!

We then found a renter that wasn't a schmuck
A clean-cut GE-guy, imagine our luck!

He was loved by all, save our chestnut tree
On which he impaled his new Ford truck.

We all lived together quite happily
Ryan, our renter and Susi and me

With rents coming in it was nearly free!
Yet as we all know - ain't nuthin' for free.

****

Our scribbled and unsigned buyers contract
Had but one clause I forgot to retract

It allowed for a canine to join our gander
With all of its deer ticks, dribble and dander

And so came Guinness the hyper black lab
Whom Ryan was somehow able to nab

This dog did not cower - this dog was not coy
He saw our house as his massive chew toy

He would yelp and howl and bark through the day
Prompting our neighbours to move away

Could this really be as good as it gets?
Living with renters and a dog with touretts!

****

Before not so long things started to change
In fact things became a little bit strange.

He had been single - I liked it that way
I hadn't planned on him changing that play

But just as my plan began to unfurl
Ryan decided to hunt for a girl

I guess I'm old fashioned - much like a clog
I met my woman while walking my dog!

But this was the age of on-line dating
A much more efficient way of mating

Thanks to the likes of match and my space
A legion of fruit loops came through our place

Sabre-toothed Sally and creepy Elaine
And one who may have been Jason or Jane

And on went this nightmare day after day
Which is when Suze and I started to pray

And as if by magic, right about then
Myspace delivered a student named Jen!

****

And so goes the story of Ryan's life
To the first day he met his future wife
The ensuing three years were filled with glee,
Excitement and some occasional strife.

And as for the couple, anyone can see
That they fit together quite perfectly
Jen provides looks, the talent and might,
While Ryan is simply very happy.

They both love the Mets and love David Wright
They talk things out calmly and rarely fight
They’ve chosen together to take a leap
Into the future this November night

The night is lovely, light hearted and deep
You now have your marital vows to keep
And dances to dance before you sleep
And dances to dance before you sleep

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2009-02-05T12:48:00.000Z

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2008-11-24 Best Man Speech - Ryan's Wedding

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